You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
