she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
