Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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