Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
