I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
