Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize