i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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