last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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