a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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