dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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