not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
