she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
