I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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