I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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