Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
being pregnant is like rehab
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
