please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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