im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
