I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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