hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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