My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
