He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
