it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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