I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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