We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
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He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
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You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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