You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
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I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
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I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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