dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Randomize
