watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
