cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
