margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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