shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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