He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize