I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
