In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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