just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
He passed out mid-signature
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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