THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
