Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
