so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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