and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
