She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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