did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
