So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
