I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
