I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
