Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
