Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
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They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
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I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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