Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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