You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
