Christians are straight up FREAKS
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
