I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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