Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
