So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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