i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
