Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
