i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
