he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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