$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
