I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
