Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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