it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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