Have you finally orgasmed yet?
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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