So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
