I am in a vortex of obligation.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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