Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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