I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize