He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
