I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
