Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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