Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
