I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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