i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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