It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
