we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
