garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
