If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
